It's OK

Today, someone walked into my office to tell me exactly what I need to hear: it's OK to be frustrated with God. That may sound strange, but bear with me.

I often wander through life wondering, "Should I stay or should I go?" Unlike The Clash, however, I'm talking life path decisions, not the most recent romantic fling. Is God calling me to remain here? Or does He have something else for me? And if He has something else, what is it? Where is it? Under which rock is He hiding the news?

In times of waiting, people offer platitudes such as, "Trust God. Wait in Him. He hasn't abandoned you. He'll do something big. You need just to rest and to wait in Him." This makes sense. This is Biblical. There are many verses that back their statements up. Psalm 37:5, says, "Rest in the Lord and wait patiently on Him, " and Lamentations 3:25 reminds, "The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him." Waiting on God isn't a new thing. His people have been doing it for centuries and centuries. Remember men and women like Abraham, Moses, Job, and Hannah?

Honestly, when I hear such statements, my response is much like that of a belligerent child, "Yeah? You want to work in my life? Go for it. Show me. Because right now, I don't feel like you are, and I don't see how this is going to work out. Much less how this could possibly work out for anything resembling my good." I recognize that this is not exactly a holy reaction.

And yet, I was reminded today that it's OK. This is not to say that my whining is music to God's ears; however, it is to say that he remains good and constant and Love even when I am questioning his perfect plan. It is to say that it's OK to wait. And while I wait, it's OK to ask God why I'm waiting. It's OK to tell Him that I'm frustrated. To ask Him what the point is. David and the Psalmists did it often (see Ps. 55:17, 72:12, 88:1, 130:1).

He has a purpose and a plan; He promises. Proverbs 2:3 and 5 say, "If you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding...then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God." Right there in the Book of Wisdom, it says to cry out to God for an explanation, and find Him.

Even without the end of the waiting in sight, even when the odds seem to be stacked against my cause, God is there; He's there to stand in my weakness as my strength and my comfort. Whether I want to or not, I need to lean into Him, trust, and, when I have questions, to "cry out for understanding". Even when I want to throw myself to floor and kick and scream like a child---especially in those moments---He's there for me to cry out to. He never ceases to be perfectly good and perfectly God, loving me through the times of waiting and questioning.

Plagiarized brilliance

I read. A lot. Books. Blogs. Articles. I'm not picky. Because I spend so much time immersed in the ideas of others, I fear that I don't have many unique ideas of my own to express to the world. It seems that other, wiser, more trendy people have thought these ideas and expressed them first. I would have gotten around to original thought, given some time. I promise. But, alas, they've beaten me to the punch. As such, I'm relegated to passing on the brilliance of others, and obligated to credit them with their own ideas. Somehow, this system seems to have flaws.

Today, I read this article. Donald Miller, my most recent fountain of inspiration, writes about the most important question that one can asks oneself: What if?
What if I quit my job?
What if I moved to Siberia?
What if I tried brussel sprouts and actually liked them?

What if? A question that can torture you and send you into a life of constant wondering or a question that can rocket you out of the depths of despair and toward a life of greater adventure and intrigue? It's up to us as humans equipped with free will, I suppose, to decide the answer to that question. I'd like to think it's the latter. That, as I ask myself what if questions, as I dream about what my life could be, I'll become more daring, I'll try new things, and as a result, will learn more about myself in the process.

What if I took more pictures?
What if I were fluent in another language? Any language?
What if I were more willing to approach new people?
What if I practiced the piano for even just an hour a day?
What if I were able to travel for a living?
What if I learned how to rock climb? White water kayak?
What if....

Beautiful Things Happen When A Woman Trusts God
by Sheila Walsh
Thomas Nelson, 2009




Sheila Walsh's Beautiful Things Happen When A Woman Trusts God is a wonderfully organized book that will be an encouragement to women, regardless of geography or generation. It is a book that mixes Walsh's biographical story with Biblical story in a way that teaches about the beauty and the fulfillment in total and complete trust of the High King of Heaven.

The book is comprised of chapters with titles such as "The Beauty of Courage" and "The Beauty of Crying Out to Jesus." Jumping off these themes, Walsh uses anecdotes to tell a story, often first a personal story, and then a Biblical one. The reader gets to know people like Joseph, Gideon, Tabitha, Samson, and Saul. Through these stories of the men and women of the Bible, the Christian woman in 2010 is shown that trusting God is not a recent challenge; that even in the days of the Old Testament, through the life of Jesus, and into the time of the early church, trust has been a difficult issue. In each of the stories though, Walsh paints a picture of the beauty of the Christian life, and ultimately, the beauty of being able to place our trust in the hands of the Lord of all.

With so many situations that give us a reason not to trust, women can find comfort in clinging more and more to the perfect trustworthiness of God. This is a book that will plead that case and pave the way for the beauty of trusting in our Abba Father.

Cooking up a storm

Last night was atypical for me. I usually don't cook much, and, as a result, eat the same boring thing over and over again. Well, no longer! From here on out, I'm going to put forth more effort to create healthful, tasty, and VARIED meals. Last night, I started out with a huge batch of crack, ahem, granola, and a container of hummus. My poor sad $10 Walgreens food processor finally died, so I had to resort to my trusty blender to make the hummus; it did alright, but I don't want to try it again anytime soon. RIP, food processor.

Granola(!):


Dinner was tilapia with yogurt/dill sauce on a bed of spinach. So easy, so tasty, so yummy. All on one plate: omega 3s, protein, dairy, veggies, healthy fats, fiber. Yum! Prep time: less than 10 minutes. That's my kind of dinner.

And we're back!

Today was officially my first "long run" day. Hardly a long long run, but considering where I was a month ago, something to be accomplished. Here's the stats:

Distance: 3.1 miles (firecracker 5k loop)
Time: 31 minutes

I'm not breaking any speed records, and it doesn't feel comfortable like it used to, but it'll come back. I have two weeks before I even hit a 5 miler, so I have time. All the time in the world.

I finished A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller last night. Combine that with my current ruminations about the emergent church and a short lunch discussion about living life to the fullest and engaging culture makes for a lot of thoughts floating around in my head. Once I can concisely express them, I'll write something about it.

Friends. Fellowship. And guys in bookstores.

Today, I went into Fort Wayne to see my friend Emily. So good! We drank coffee, wandered around Jefferson Point, and talked about life, relationships, and Donald Miller.

After she left I hung out in Barnes and Noble for awhile, relishing the feeling of city life. There, if you would believe it, I met the perfect man. I really did. He complimented my skirt, reads the Bible, keeps a journal, and approves of my Donald Miller obsession. The only hitch in the perfect beginning to this beautiful love story is that our interaction began and ended in a matter of 2 minutes. And then he was gone. I don't know his name. It's tragic, really. I should write a novel. It would be a best seller.

All in all, this was a great way to start the weekend. I have two more blissful days of nothing-ness! On the agenda to fill up the nothing-ness is setting up new bookshelf and unpacking books, a run, church, and some reading (Donald Miller, anyone?). Oh yeah...and I should balance my checkbook.

Cheers!

Grace. It's what life's about.

I recently read a book and borrowed a concept from it in the naming of this blog---Sin Boldly: A Field Guide to Grace. Since the new year, I've been learning so much about grace, giving and receiving. The author of the book, Cathleen Falsani, says, "Grace has a way of sneaking up on you. When you least deserve it." She also adds, "In the end, it's about grace, something you don't do. It just is." True story. Grace is getting what I don't deserve in exchange for something I didn't have to do.

I see grace on several levels. First, there's the huge saving work of salvation. Through grace, by faith, I'm saved from the eternal death I deserve. This one wasn't a huge shock to me. It's something that I know, that I believe, yet that I need to be reminded of. Second, there's grace in every day life. This is especially what I've been noticing. Grace is an unexpected free hour in a jam-packed day. Grace is an encouraging phone call. Grace is someone making dinner for you. Grace is getting a tax refund when you planned on having to pay. Grace is a rehearsal with a patient teacher. Grace is a forgiven debt. Etc. Etc. This is a list that could continue for an eternity...Third, and the one that I struggle with the most, is giving grace to myself. Why is it that that's so difficult? I continue to work on the fine art of cutting myself a break, and will probably do so for the rest of my life.

I hope that these lessons are ones that will continue throughout my life. It's wonderful to see and acknowledge that there is a Force larger than myself working in my life in a very involved way.